Friday, July 21, 2006

Get your girl on?

Okay... so let me get this straight. If I buy and drive a Hummer, people won't cut in front of me on the slide? Ah, if it were only so easy.

Seriously, do I run over the mean bitch's mini van with the Hummer? Or is it just a Hummer aura that I wear about me? Perhaps Hummer pheramones that frighten people from even consider crossing me path. [oooh, smell that, she's got a hummer. Step lightly!]

I think the only good thing about owning a Hummer is that my car would finally be visible. I don't know how a red Saturn with daytime running lights can be invisible but it is. A hummer would make people think twice about cutting me off in traffic.

In the meantime, I guess I'll just let people cut in front of me at the slide. The funds I save in gas money and car payments I'll take with me to Hawaii ... Twice.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Pencils, pens and highlighters … oh my!

It all started with an innocent trip to Office Depot for one item – a package of printer-ready postcard paper. But I walked in the door to one of my favorite times of the year: Back to School! Yes, it is still July, which is technically the middle of the summer but in the increased pace of the retail world calendar ... it's Back to School time.

I started to rove amongst the displays of colorful notebooks, pens, locker shelves – hey, where were those when I had a locker. I had to build my own (and I feel it’s made me a better person). My heart starts to beat faster at all the cool new things. The smell of new pens and Elmer’s Glue makes me giddy.

Oh look, Sharpie has a collection of cool highlighters (need them for my “old fashioned time sheets”). I must have them. Oh look, cool new mechanical pencils, and a small scissors with a cover (perfect for card class). And a softsided Mead pencil case you can open, fold over and make stand up like a can (another thing perfect for card class to haul my gluesticks and scissors).

I started to hyperventilate. Luckily I was roaming the aisles sans basket. I do less damage at checkout when I can only carry so much. I made it out of the store with some fun new things and nothing frivolous... no, really, everything purchased has a job to do in my hectic life.

I went on with my errands that were fairly uneventful until I hit the SuperTarget…. Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!