Flounder

It just isn't fair, is it? The time we get with our four-legged friends is terribly short.

Our black labrador (a "blabrador" we liked to call her) left us today. It was so quick that I'm not sure it really has sunk in. The last two weeks she had started to slow down, more than her usual arthritic self. Today really wasn't any different. She went out this morning for an all-neighborhood dog emergency bark and seemed a little peppy. Besides the new slowness we attributed to a cut on her leg, nothing really seemed out of the ordinary.

But then she got sick. And in a short time after that vomited blood. We took her to the emergency clinic. In what seems like an even shorter time (although in reality was several hours), she worsened. Her organs started to fail. She went into cardiac arrest in front of me and was brought back.

Then came that inevitable decision. What do you do? Of course, I wanted her to be around for another 10 years. I wanted her to be happy, pain-free, healthy. But there were other plans for her. In the end, we had to let her go. She was too weak for surgery, which only had a slim chance of telling us what was wrong, much less fixing it. It was her time, even if we weren't ready for it.

I knew this was coming someday but didn't think it would be today. Although my intuition was that it would be sooner rather than later. In May, as we crossed the finish line of the Furry Scurry, I felt this overwhelming grief that was her last one.

As we said our goodbyes, my husband through sobs said she was off to the world of slow-moving squirrels, a place she will be very happy.

Now to go on with this huge hole in our lives. I have to tell myself she lived a wonderful life. It may not have been as long as I wanted it to be but it was good. I have to tell myself I made the right decision to let her go. The vet was honest and experienced. He gave us all the options and suggestions. I have to tell myself that people go through all sorts of loss and are able to continue on with life. I have three more furries here with lots of love and a non-furry on the way.

But right now, I just miss my baby girl and the smell of her head.

Rest in peace, Flounder. We love you.