A MIL vent

I know, I know. I really should be more patient. If it weren't for this woman, my husband would not have been born. And for that I
am thankful.

However.

I may have mentioned before that in May 2005, my mother-in-law decided she'd rather live in San Jose, then Denver. So she put her condo up for sale, packed what fit in her Camry, quit her job and left. The hubby and I, well, mostly the "I" part, packed up everything else, sold the furniture, sorted and donated, etc the rest of the place.

In July, the bank seized the place, changed the locks and had we not emptied it already, would have thrown everything to the curb. That was a brief misunderstanding and she regained the ownership. However almost two years later, the condo is still on the market. Twice contracts have been placed and then the buyers walking away. It's a nice place, the kitchen a little dated. But it includes all the appliances, including a brand-new glass-top stove. The market is just not good right now. There's too many of the same for less. She's now asking about $15k under what she paid.

This part of this whole thing rubs me the wrong way because it's just not what I would do. I've always been a very practical person. I line up a job before quitting another. I would sell a place before just packing and moving. I know not everyone should be like me. But she has a long history of "flying by the seat of her pants." She's getting older, has nothing to her name and I worry how we're all going to take care of her later. (I should mention she blew what retirement she had on a trip to Ireland when she was unemployed). This is hard for me. I would love to be more this way but am just too darn responsible. I also believe she suffers from manic-depression but it is untreated.

Which brings me to present day. She blew through town this past weekend, arriving on Saturday and leaving early Monday. We tried to get her to pin down plans to see her but was only able to plan dinner at a local restaurant (Bloom) that is a favorite (although quite pricey). She ended up bringing two friends to this dinner and spent more time catching up with them then with us. We also arrived a little late (totally my fault -- was painting the bathroom and wanted to finish up the paint I had out so it wouldn't dry up). But in those few minutes, she and the two friends had ordered several appetizers. (Did I mention this was an expensive
restaurant?). I figured that they decided that they would just eat that. But no. Entrees, several glasses of wine and dessert too. Ack. She insisted on paying the tab but then seemed surprised. We at least got the tip covered. Initially we had thought we would take her (just her) out to dinner but never got the chance to mention it. There's no way we could afford to cover her and the two friends too. Not sure how she could afford it?

At the end of dinner, as we were leaving, she mentioned oh by the way, she needed a ride to the airport on Monday. I replied, well we are both working, what time do you need to be there. She had assumed we were off for president's day. Ends up her flight was at 8:30 am. I squeeked out, 8:30 IN THE MORNING??! (Meaning she had to be picked up at her hotel at 6am). Seriously??! Luckily the hubby could get up a little earlier to take her before work (never mind that the airport is very much out of the way from downtown but whatever).

We had mentioned all the things we've been doing to the house (remodels etc) so she said she would come by on Sunday. Late afternoon she called to say she was coming by. I was putting the finishing touches on painting the new "beach" bathroom. I heard the pups bark and came upstairs. She was standing outside and I walked out in time to see her get back into her friend's car and leave. I asked my hubby what was up. She had run to the hardware store to buy a couple of things for her condo and wanted Mark to hang on to them. She didn't want to leave them in the condo (which is empty and has lots of closet space). After a "discussion," he agreed with me that we do not have the room for anything else of hers. We've spent the last almost two years trying to get rid of her stuff.

Ironically one of the items is a kitchen sink. So that tops it, we had everything of hers, even the kitchen sink!! Later that evening we dropped off the sink, a ceiling fan and some light fixtures to the condo for a handyman to replace. She didn't ask if we could help, she just dropped the things off and quickly, before I would see because she knows that my voice of reason is directly in conflict with her geocentric orbit. I think she fully expected Mark to keep these things in the trunk of his car until the handyman called for them.

She didn't even come in the house. We had cleaned and were excited to show off our projects. I also was hoping to show her that yes, we are really doing stuff and that we really are very busy people. I guess my voice of reason (rather, my thought of reason) was hoping she could understand why we did not have the time to show the condo to possible renters (because I work at home and could just run over there ...) and spend time upgrading it. We have no ownership in that place but we do own our house, along with the yard needs a lot of work. Not to mention all the sorting, shipping and general getting rid of all this extra crap we have now. And that we'd actually like to take time off and do something fun once in awhile.

I know I sound coldhearted. But it's the kid who cried wolf here. We bent over backwards helping her clean out the condo and get it ready for the market -- without her here. I never got a thank you or anything. It's always something. It's a bit like enabling someone with an addiction. Of course, you would do anything for your mother but when she does the things she does without regards to the consequences, you have to put your foot down! Sure, we'll love you and support you the best we can but we need the same back.

I warned you. If you read this far, thank you for reading my rant. I needed to vent so that I quit harassing my poor hubby about it. He's the good cop. I'm the bad cop. The only frightening thing was a brief mention that she misses Colorado and has thought about returning. Ack! We've been happy that his sister has had to keep an eye on her for awhile but I'm sure she is ready to send her back. Please someone, buy this damn condo ...